Stonecutters Guild
Who controls the Springfield events...

Who controls the Springfield events scene? WE DO! WE DO!

An ancient and totally-not-secret society bringing exclusive entertainment to our members and the occasional worthy guest. We've kept the metric system down, made Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigged every Oscar night since 1957.

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!"


๐Ÿ”ฎ What We Control

  • ๐ŸŽญ Exclusive Events - For members and Number 908 (Homer... unfortunately)
  • ๐ŸŽต Sacred Concerts - Songs in the key of mystery
  • ๐Ÿฅณ Private Parties - Robes optional, parchment required
  • ๐Ÿ† Award Ceremonies - We decide who wins everything

๐Ÿ“œ Sacred Parchment required at door. No Chosen Ones allowed (we learned our lesson).

Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? WE DO! WE DO!

Moe's Tavern
Moe's Tavern
Moe's Tavern

Where everybody knows your name... and Moe pretends not to.

Famous for our signature cocktails, prank call resilience, and the occasional alien sighting in the back room. Live entertainment every weekโ€”assuming the health inspector doesn't visit.

"I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm." - Moe Szyslak


๐Ÿฅƒ What We Offer

  • ๐Ÿบ Duff Beer - On tap, in bottles, in our hearts
  • ๐Ÿ”ฅ Flaming Moes - Secret ingredient definitely NOT cough syrup
  • ๐Ÿ’” The Love Tester - Currently stuck on "Cold Fish"
  • ๐ŸŽต Live Entertainment - Every week (quality varies)

โš ๏ธ Warning: Do not ask for Amanda Hugginkiss, Ivana Tinkle, or Jacques Strap.

"We put the 'dive' in 'dive bar,' and we're proud of it."

Where everybody knows your name... and Moe pretends not to.

Famous for our signature cocktails, prank call resilience, and the occasional alien sighting in the back room. Live entertainment every weekโ€”assuming the health inspector doesn't visit.

"I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm." - Moe Szyslak


๐Ÿฅƒ What We Offer

  • ๐Ÿบ Duff Beer - On tap, in bottles, in our hearts
  • ๐Ÿ”ฅ Flaming Moes - Secret ingredient definitely NOT cough syrup
  • ๐Ÿ’” The Love Tester - Currently stuck on "Cold Fish"
  • ๐ŸŽต Live Entertainment - Every week (quality varies)

โš ๏ธ Warning: Do not ask for Amanda Hugginkiss, Ivana Tinkle, or Jacques Strap.

"We put the 'dive' in 'dive bar,' and we're proud of it."

Filter Events

Free entry
Online

๐Ÿ”ฅ Flaming Moe Night

Jan 2
๐Ÿ”ฅ Flaming Moe Night - Flyer

About

๐Ÿ”ฅ The Drink That Put Moe's on the Map!

The legendary Flaming Moe returns! Now with a secret ingredient that is definitely not children's cough syrup. ๐Ÿน

"I invented this drink! Well, actually Homer told me... but I made it famous!" - Moe

๐Ÿธ Tonight's Specials

  • ๐Ÿ”ฅ $5 Flaming Moes - All night long
  • ๐Ÿงฏ Fire extinguishers - Provided at each table
  • ๐ŸŽธ Aerosmith - NOT scheduled to appear (sorry)
  • ๐ŸŽต Live Music - To drown out the fire alarms

๐Ÿ‘” Dress Code

Casual (fire-resistant clothing strongly recommended) ๐Ÿ‘•

โš ๏ธ Warning: Side effects may include: euphoria, dancing, and temporary belief that you can sing. ๐ŸŽค

"Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away!" ๐Ÿฅณ