Who controls the Springfield events...

Who controls the Springfield events scene? WE DO! WE DO!

An ancient and totally-not-secret society bringing exclusive entertainment to our members and the occasional worthy guest. We've kept the metric system down, made Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigged every Oscar night since 1957.

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!"

🔮 What We Control

🎭 Exclusive Events - For members and Number 908 (Homer... unfortunately)
🎵 Sacred Concerts - Songs in the key of mystery
🥳 Private Parties - Robes optional, parchment required
🏆 Award Ceremonies - We decide who wins everything

📜 Sacred Parchment required at door. No Chosen Ones allowed (we learned our lesson).

Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? WE DO! WE DO!

Moe's Tavern

Where everybody knows your name... and Moe pretends not to.

Famous for our signature cocktails, prank call resilience, and the occasional alien sighting in the back room. Live entertainment every week—assuming the health inspector doesn't visit.

"I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm." - Moe Szyslak

🥃 What We Offer

🍺 Duff Beer - On tap, in bottles, in our hearts
🔥 Flaming Moes - Secret ingredient definitely NOT cough syrup
💔 The Love Tester - Currently stuck on "Cold Fish"
🎵 Live Entertainment - Every week (quality varies)

⚠️ Warning: Do not ask for Amanda Hugginkiss, Ivana Tinkle, or Jacques Strap.

"We put the 'dive' in 'dive bar,' and we're proud of it."

Where everybody knows your name... and Moe pretends not to.

Famous for our signature cocktails, prank call resilience, and the occasional alien sighting in the back room. Live entertainment every week—assuming the health inspector doesn't visit.