Who controls the Springfield events...

Who controls the Springfield events scene? WE DO! WE DO!

An ancient and totally-not-secret society bringing exclusive entertainment to our members and the occasional worthy guest. We've kept the metric system down, made Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigged every Oscar night since 1957.

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!"

🔮 What We Control

🎭 Exclusive Events - For members and Number 908 (Homer... unfortunately)
🎵 Sacred Concerts - Songs in the key of mystery
🥳 Private Parties - Robes optional, parchment required
🏆 Award Ceremonies - We decide who wins everything

📜 Sacred Parchment required at door. No Chosen Ones allowed (we learned our lesson).

Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? WE DO! WE DO!

Springfield Rockers

Rock and roll from the...

Rock and roll from the heart of America's favorite town.

We've played every venue from the Isotopes Stadium to the Springfield dump (great acoustics, actually). Our sound is as authentic as the three-eyed fish in our river and as powerful as whatever's going on at Sector 7-G.

"Rock and roll had become stagnant. Then we came along." - Band Member

🔊 Our Style

🎸 Raw Power - Like a nuclear reactor, but musical
🥁 Heavy Drums - Louder than Homer's snoring (almost)
🎤 Anthems - Songs about Springfield, beer, and more beer
⚡ Pure Energy - Powered by Duff and questionable life choices

We put the "rock" in "Springfield rocks!" and the "roll" in "let's roll to Moe's after the show."

Springfield Community Center

Where Springfield comes together (for better or worse).

Hosting town halls, talent shows, AA meetings, and everything in between since the town's founding. Our multipurpose room has seen it all—from beauty pageants to monorail votes to that incident we're legally not allowed to discuss.

"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?" - Marge Simpson

📋 Recent Events

🚝 Monorail Vote - We're still paying for that one
🎭 Talent Shows - Ralph Wiggum available for bookings
🗳️ Town Halls - Democracy in action (sort of)
🎪 Community Events - Controlled chaos since 1796

Your tax dollars at work. Mostly. Sometimes. When the budget allows.

⚠️ Warning: Town meetings may result in spontaneous musical numbers and/or mob formation.

Where Springfield comes together (for better or worse).

"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?" - Marge Simpson

📋 Recent Events

🚝 Monorail Vote - We're still paying for that one
🎭 Talent Shows - Ralph Wiggum available for bookings
🗳️ Town Halls - Democracy in action (sort of)
🎪 Community Events - Controlled chaos since 1796

Your tax dollars at work. Mostly. Sometimes. When the budget allows.

⚠️ Warning: Town meetings may result in spontaneous musical numbers and/or mob formation.

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Filter Events

🏛️ The Stonecutters Secret Show

Name: 🏛️ The Stonecutters Secret Show
Start: 2026-01-03T20:00:00-05:00
End: 2026-01-04T00:00:00-05:00
Location: Springfield Community Center

Jan 3

January 3rd, 2026 8:00 PM - January 4th 12:00 AM

Springfield Community Center Springfield

About

Who Controls the British Crown? WE DO! WE DO!

Exclusive Stonecutters members-only event!

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!" - The Sacred Song

Tonight's Agenda

Sacred Songs - Full "We Do" performance
Secret Rituals - (Can't tell you, it's secret) 🤫
Brotherhood Bonding - Duff, but fancy
Parchment Reading - Ancient wisdom or something

Entry Requirements

Sacred Parchment - Required at door
Member Number - Know yours!
Number 908 (Homer) - Still NOT invited (he knows what he did)
Dress Code: Robes or business casual

Who Made Steve Guttenberg a Star?

WE DO! WE DO!

"Oh no, no, wait, wait. Let me explain about the car chase. I thought the cop was a ghost!"