Stonecutters Guild
Stonecutters Guild
Stonecutters Guild
Who controls the Springfield events...

Who controls the Springfield events scene? WE DO! WE DO!

An ancient and totally-not-secret society bringing exclusive entertainment to our members and the occasional worthy guest. We've kept the metric system down, made Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigged every Oscar night since 1957.

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!"

šŸ”® What We Control

  • šŸŽ­ Exclusive Events - For members and Number 908 (Homer... unfortunately)
  • šŸŽµ Sacred Concerts - Songs in the key of mystery
  • šŸ„³ Private Parties - Robes optional, parchment required
  • šŸ† Award Ceremonies - We decide who wins everything

šŸ“œ Sacred Parchment required at door. No Chosen Ones allowed (we learned our lesson).

Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? WE DO! WE DO!

Barney's Bowl-A-Rama
Barney's Bowl-A-Rama
Barney's Bowl-A-Rama

Strikes, spares, and questionable nachos since 1955.

Springfield's premier bowling destination, where every lane tells a story and most of those stories involve Barney falling asleep in the ball return. Home of the legendary Pin Pals and Jacques' famous bowling lessons.

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer (at the bar here)

šŸ† What We Offer

  • šŸŽ³ 32 Lanes - Only 3 currently have gum in the gutters
  • šŸ• Snack Bar - Nachos of questionable vintage
  • šŸŗ Full Bar - Barney's tab runs into six figures
  • šŸ… League Play - Pin Pals, Holy Rollers, and more!

Over six million games played. Approximately twelve of them sober.

āš ļø Warning: Jacques may offer to "feel your ball."

Strikes, spares, and questionable nachos since 1955.

Springfield's premier bowling destination, where every lane tells a story and most of those stories involve Barney falling asleep in the ball return. Home of the legendary Pin Pals and Jacques' famous bowling lessons.

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer (at the bar here)

šŸ† What We Offer

  • šŸŽ³ 32 Lanes - Only 3 currently have gum in the gutters
  • šŸ• Snack Bar - Nachos of questionable vintage
  • šŸŗ Full Bar - Barney's tab runs into six figures
  • šŸ… League Play - Pin Pals, Holy Rollers, and more!

Over six million games played. Approximately twelve of them sober.

āš ļø Warning: Jacques may offer to "feel your ball."

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šŸŗ "Beer Baron" Prohibition League Night

Jan 2
šŸŗ "Beer Baron" Prohibition League Night - Flyer

About

To Alcohol! The Cause Of, And Solution To, All of Life's Problems! šŸŗ

Prohibition-era themed bowling league night!

"Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple: Where'd you pinch the hooch?" - Rex Banner

Tonight's Activities

  • Prohibition-Era Bowling League - Dress the part!
  • Secret Speakeasy - In the back (password: "Duff")
  • Rex Banner - NOT invited (please don't tell him)
  • "I Am the Beer Baron!" Shouting Contest - 10 PM

What's Included

  • Bowling shoes (vintage style)
  • "Bathtub gin" (actually just regular gin)
  • Complimentary fedora rental šŸŽ©
  • Lookout posted for Rex Banner

"I'm the Beer Baron!" - Homer (the actual Beer Baron)

āš ļø Note: If you see a man in a gray suit asking about hooch, you didn't see anything.